Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
