I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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