So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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