He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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