HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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