Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
