jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do herpes really smell.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
