Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
