So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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