Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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