mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
