why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
