ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
