I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
