My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
