I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
