no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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