I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
