god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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