Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
