Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
