I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
