I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
