it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
