Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
