he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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