Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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