The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
