He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
