no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
