Im at strip club and am horny
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
