he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
