end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
