Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
