he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
