Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
