Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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