i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
