guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
