Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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