how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
