i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
