I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
