I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
