im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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