I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
