Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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