I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
