I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
