I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
