I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
