I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
