I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
