He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
